those were the days...

I have been procastinating on doing this...but when I finally started what I planned to do, emotions just suddenly came flowing. Bittersweet, but with the sweet outplaying the bitter.

Two weeks ago, I went on mini spring cleaning. I wanted to clear the other room of boxes because I wanted it to look more like a bedroom than a storage area. As I was segregating what to really keep and what needs to be shredded (hehehe) or thrown away, I stumbled upon some pictures and whatnots, including a birthday card given to me by jen, with her itty-bitty handwriting (I think this is the first and the only one card she gave me!). That deserves another entry and in due time...

The past months had been a emotional roller coaster ride for me and the other members of this triumvirate, and let's include our dear mother. I cannot say that we're all well and good because we're still in the process of healing, accepting, letting go and trying. But I know deep down in our hearts, we'll be able to regain the bond that we once counted as our most prized possession. The bond that no other person (family, included) can break. I still continue to believe that what I share with my brother and sister is more than comparable to a diamond - no matter how hard we fall, there will be no cracks that is beyond repair or healing.

Honestly speaking, I miss them both. I have not been very vocal about this and I know I have a hard time letting my feelings known (mom should know as I have been guilty of this even during my younger years). I still hold on to the fact that I look forward to just having the two of them all to myself even for a week or two... I sound like a mother hen longing for her two little, yellow chicks! (I remember consoling a friend a week ago...his status message was "I hate her so much!" pertaining to his sister whom he had an argument with, I told him those were too strong of words to say...To those siblings who fight and argue like cats and dogs...trust me, family is family, nothing can replace them, no matter how they get to your nerves!)


I cannot remember the last time that the three of us shared one of our birthday celebrations. Our birthday greetings are now through the wonders of modern technology instead of being a personal thing. The last time that I really had a good birthday was when I turned 29 because I woke up with JL greeting me, instead of just waking up by myself. We heard mass in the morning and we had the pink and green party in the evening. I don't ask for a grand celebration, mind you, a simple cupcake will do. I would even go to the extent of wearing another costume...but I guess being wonder woman is out of the question :)

I would love to see a new place with my brother and sister, instead with friends. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy time with friends, but I also envy them when they also get the chance to take time to go on daytrips or long weekends with their family. Yes, we did go to Boracay and Bohol for the past two years, but then it would be a truly different experience if it was just us three and all are first timers in a certain beautiful place. I don’t know if I make any sense, but I hope you get my drift...

These are just some of the things I miss doing with JL and Jen. If you could peek in my heart, you will see that from the simplest desire of sleeping and waking up in the same room or just being a text away if I need someone to have coffee or watch a movie with…oh, I could just go on and on.

Whatever I am going through right now, whatever predicament I am into, I know I would find the answers. As they say, everything happens for a reason. I am now throwing it to the universe...I may be missing out on milestones, special occasions, leaps of faith, journeys...I just don’t want to wake up someday realizing that I don’t know my own siblings’ dreams, interests, wants, wishes and plans...which I know by heart then...

Que sera, sera...



Take care, you two! Love you both!